28 life lessons for 28 years
Read time: 10-15 mins.
Bon jour my loves!
My name is Gaosong V. Heu. I am an artist, entrepreneur, and educator using the power of storytelling to inspire goddesses like you, to unapologetically love yourself, connect more deeply with others and live your higher purpose.
In March, I celebrated 28 years of life! I love birthdays! I feel like birthdays are a wonderful time for people to connect with others, to reflect upon their lives to see the wonderful journey that they have been on thus far, and to wonder about the possibility that is their future.
Here are 28 life lessons for 28 years of life.
I've got my crown.
I've got my life lessons.
We’ve got the future.
Let’s go!
I remember when I first moved to New York City for grad school. Even though it was a lifelong dream come true to move to the Big Apple and to attend such a prestigious institution for an excellent program, I couldn't help but feel depressed. I had just left my husband in Paris. My family and friends were far away in Minnesota. For the first week, I did not leave my apartment in the Bronx. I locked all my doors by 7 pm, and cried myself to sleep while episodes of Friends played on Netflix.
“WHY ME?!!!!” I thought. Then I remembered that it was my choice to apply to school in NYC and not Paris. It was my choice to choose a graduate school program outside of the Twin Cities. It was my choice to pick this apartment in the Bronx. During this realization, I laughed out loud in my empty apartment and thought “Gaosong, you ungrateful person. You’re living the dream right now! Have a little gratitude, DAMN!”
So I faked it. For the next week, I challenged myself to find something to be grateful for every day.
Gratitude is always an option.
A dancer, twirling on the poles of the subway.
The BEST strawberry milkshake I have ever had from Mr. Frosty.
My strong, abled body was taking me to explore this large city.
I had so much to be grateful for. This didn’t mean that I wasn’t still sad, or that I wasn’t lonely. Having gratitude is not about detracting from the hardships and pain in your life. Having gratitude is recongizing that despite the struggle, life still has so much to offer you.
That though rain may fall, the sun never leaves the sky.
It’s a lesson that I will never forget, and one that I will carry with me forever.
Sometimes when I close my eyes and look up towards the sun, I imagine that I am in a tropical paradise. All I can see is a blanket of red that covers my eyes and a shroud of heat which covers my heart. There is beauty in every moment. Make sure to cherish it.
“Fault” (verb) is to “criticize for inadequacy or mistakes.”
This is not to be confused with “accountability” aka responsibility.
Although I believe all loving friendships have accountability as a foundational value of the relationship, “fault” is not the same as “accountability.”
You CAN hold someone accountable, while still loving them. In fact, one’s ability to hold a friend accountable is an act of love, but faulting and shaming someone for their shortcomings is not love.
I feel so blessed to be a person with a lot of meaningful and long-lasting relationships that span decades. Through all my years, I have had friendships come and go, BUT one thing still remains true, I am thankful for the friends who believed I could be my best, challenged me to be my best, and loved me even when I wasn’t.
You all inspire me and I love you.
As a Hmong woman, it takes courage to speak, especially when you have been taught your whole life, that your sole existence and worth is not yours to determine.
To not only speak up for yourself but to demand or create space for others to speak, is courage in its purest form.
Regardless of the cause, your advocacy and activism are yours. It is your journey. It is not a race or a contest and it should never exist for the approval of others.
You fight for the cause because it moves you to your core. You fight for the cause because to do anything else, would be an arrow to your heart.
“We can do no great things, only small things with great love.”
― Robert Fulghum
Somedays, I am unsure if I am doing enough to create a more equitable, just, and loving world for all…but, I try to remember to take it one day at a time…
No matter where you are on your journey—no matter what you do— fight for it with great love.
I still remember the moment my high school gym teacher taught me about building muscle. He insisted we always do a one-rep max at the end of each set.
“Dude, by the end of my set, I am tired. Why don’t we do the one-rep max at the top of the set?”
He explained that you only know how strong you are and how strong you can be when you are tired. When your muscles are fatigued. When you feel like giving up. THAT is when you perform the one-rep max. Eventually, your muscles that have been broken down will build back up and your one-rep max will continue to increase as a result of resilience, practice, and increased strength.
My 16-year-old brain did not understand at the time, but I do now.
Thanks, Mr. H. You’re a real one.
I have never been mad while eating pork belly and that is a fact. ACTUALLY, no I have. When the skin on the pork belly is not crispy I get outrageously upset.
I guess I am like my dad in that way. Thanks dad for teaching me how to properly cook pork belly.
You are small and you are special.
The universe is big and it is important.
Compared to the universe, you are microscopic. Yet, you are still important.
In fact, the universe is important because you are in it and you are so special.
So, surrender to the universe. Trust that it is here to guide you on your journey, because your existence is essential to its existence.
Surrender…
For my husband and myself, it was love at first sight. I was shaken to the core of my being, I knew he was “the one.”
I thought I had been in love before. I thought I knew what it meant to be in a relationship. I thought I understood sacrifice and the undying devotion one can have for another—but I knew nothing.
Not until, my one.
After many heartbreaks and nights wishing on stars…all I could do was trust in the universe (lesson 7 ^^^) to send me my one.
And they did.
Yours is out there too. Maybe you have already crossed paths. Perhaps you have yet to meet. It doesn’t matter how it happens. It matters what you will do when it happens.
Be brave enough to let it happen and be bold enough to know you deserve love.
It just is. Till this day, I am still working on cultivating this gift to be shared with others.
I have been silenced.
I have been told to be silent.
I have silenced myself.
Speaking is a privilege that people often take for granted.
I wish you all will have the courage to:
speak up for yourself
create space for others to speak
speak like you cherish and believe every word that floats out of your mouth.
I want to challenge you! When you wake up tomorrow, let the first thing you do, be for you.
listen to music
stretch
Brush your teeth
Make tea
Let the last thing you do before you sleep, be for you.
Read a book
Watch a YT video
Turn on your diffuser
Invest in yourself first, it is essential to building longevity and stamina in your life!
It is hard to be upset with someone you love when you are speaking to them in person.
It is hard to hate someone when you are looking at them in the eyes.
It is hard to feel resentment when you are holding someone’s hand.
Healing only happens when both parties are in agreement and working towards the same goal of connection or re-connection.
Connection is healing. Don’t be afraid to open your heart to someone.
As an artist and creative, I often used to focus on “quality before quantity” when it came to my work. But now I realize that quality ONLY comes with quantity. When my husband and I first started our business, I was taking photos of his products. I thought the photos were AMAZING. I was so proud of every single photo I took and how I edited those items. However, it has been 3 years since we first started the business. Looking back on those earlier photos I cannot help but cringe and laugh, cause the photos are grainy, blurry, and are lit so badly. BUT, at that time in my life, that was the best I could do, given my limited experience, knowledge, and equipment. Yet, regardless of how terrible the photos were in retrospect, it was these photos that launched our business. This just goes to show how amazing things can happen when you get out of your own way and don’t seek perfection but seek progress.
Since then, I have taken thousands of photos and arranged so many photoshoots for the launch of different products in our company. I am happy to say that the photos now and my editing skills have improved immensely through the practice of my craft!
I cannot wait for another 3 years to pass, so I can look back on these photos and think “Wow! Look how much better my photography skills are!”
So focus on quantity folks! Quality will come with time! Trust if you’re putting the work in, the results will pay off.
I am only where I am today, because I always followed my passions, stayed true to my most authentic self, and looked for “out of the box” solutions to my life’s problems.
Whenever I am met with a problem, I always look for solutions that will not only allow me to solve the problem most efficiently but the most sustainable solution that will benefit the most people for the longest period of time.
So the next time you are met with a conflict in your life or are forced to make a hard decision, think:
How will this solution support my long-term goals?
Is this solution true to who I am or the kind of person I want to be in this world?
Is this solution efficient?
Is this solution sustainable?
How will it impact me and others in the future?
If your solution does not satisfy all the criteria above, then it is not out-of-the-box thinking.
Practice makes perfect, so keep trying!
Children are amazing because they are honest, kind, little beings just living and experiencing life with no preconceived notions of who they should be.
I have spent the last couple of years getting to know my inner child and listening to what she has to say about my life. Most of the time, she amazes me because she is so bright-eyed, gentle, and has so much love for the world. Listening to my 4-year-old self has taught me about hope, kindness, forgiveness, and what self-love actually looks like in action—that despite the pains of life, self-love is knowing you are worthy of better.
Becoming reacquainted with your inner child is an essential part of healing any trauma you may have related to your childhood. Although your j0urney will look different than mine, I think it is important to know that your inner child is you—you are them, and that you have something important to say. So don’t forget to listen to your 4-year-old self…
A lot of people don’t know this but I am the second youngest of 7 GIRLS, yes S-E-V-E-N.
I am fortunate to have had the opportunity to witness their journeys, and to see the paths they have taken to be who they are today.
It is an absolute privilege to witness and to be related to seven strong, unapologetic, ambitious, and successful Hmong women.
I have learned from their choices, mistakes and have seen the paths they each have taken, in order to create my own. Being a first-generation Hmong American who wanted to be an artist meant I had to be bold enough to create my own path, despite not knowing where I would end up. However, it continues to be the most empowering and exhilarating act I have done and continue to do for myself to this day. It allows me to take full responsibility for my shortcomings and to celebrate with relentless joy in moments of success.
Don’t be scared— when you can’t find a path for you to follow, be bold enough to create your own. I know you can do it!
As a Hmong child, death was something that I was exposed to a lot as we attended funerals of loved ones, family, and friends. As I got older and learned more about the Hmong people and our traditional beliefs surrounding life and death, I came to understand that death is only the beginning of your next journey.
The Hmong people believe in predestination—that is that you have chosen the life you will live before you are born and that the act of death is only a small journey your spirit takes home before you make the decision to be reborn. Reincarnation.
Believing and knowing these things has brought me peace and only fuels me to continue to push forward to do and accomplish all I have set out to in this life of mine.
I know I was put onto this earth to help people and heal people, and I cannot wait to continue to go on this journey till the start of my next journey.
I cannot help but at times to just be in awe of the individuals who are my siblings in this lifetime. Like, we are all so similar and yet so different.
In high school, I read the play Antigone written by Sophocles and first came to truly understand the significance of a sibling. There is a scene where Antigone, is speaking about how she doesn’t care about her dying husband, or her children dying because she can get another husband and have more children, but that she cannot get her brother “Polynices” back. And while the play is filled with many themes and characters, Antigone’s speech about her brother taught me that siblings are irreplaceable.
Although we each ultimately live our own lives, go through struggles with one another or as a collective, family is forever. It is a lesson I have continued to learn since high school in different ways and will continue to explore as I hope to create my own little family in the future.
To forgive yourself or others for the harm they have done to you, or for the harm you have done to yourself is self-love.
It is saying “I deserve to heal from this pain and to move forward.” It is an act of resilience and patience—and as you love yourself, you shall also forgive…
There are so many beautiful moments food has to offer. From different textures, tastes, acidity, sweetness…oh my god, I love food!
BUT in order to fully appreciate fois gras…you MUST savor its creamy, soft texture and let it melt in your mouth like butter.
First, eat it alone. Then eat it on a slice of toasted french baguette (not a cracker, get outta here with that cracker! LOL).
If you’re feeling fancy have it with a hint of sweetness by adding fig confit.
If you have it on hand, make it savory by adding a homemade onion confit. If you’re feeling bold, get a red-pepper chili confit—
If you’re extra AF, then eat the fois gras with a french macaron cookie—TRUST ME ON THIS.
It is true, there are haters out there, LOL. BUT, that doesn’t mean that you need to be surrounded by them. Surround yourself with people who want to see you succeed, not those who expect or want the worst for you.
Sounds simple, but you’d be surprised how many people allow themselves to be treated badly by friends and family for years! You don’t deserve to be treated badly just because people gaslight you into thinking you deserve it.
Open your eyes, don’t make excuses for others or yourself. Get the haters out of your inner circle.
Some of the most honest moments in my life have been when I admitted to myself that I was not “okay.” So simple and yet so effective in allowing me to move forward to seek the support and love I needed in order to heal and come to terms with my life.
It really is okay, not to be okay.
People get angry.
People make mistakes.
People can be evil and racist and selfish and overall terr-i-ble.
But the only way to move forward is love. Love for yourself and love for the other person.
Love is always the answer because it is the only thing that validates your feelings while humanizing the other person who hurt you.
So when given the option between love or hate, always choose love.
I stopped living in the duality of “good & bad” a long time ago. Since then, it has allowed me to live in the grey spaces of life and to see human beings and myself as intricate, complex creatures fueled by our own innate need to survive and the societal pressures which shape us. But it is not good, nor bad. It just is.
It has taught me to be less judgemental, to be more kind, to have more patience, and to live my life with more generosity for everyone else living in their own grey spaces.
You can only control yourself, your emotions and your actions.
You are only responsible for yourself, your emotions and your actions.
Stop trying to control people. Trust me, you’ll be much happier and feel more empowered in your life as you begin to take responsibility for yourself and the life you want to live.
Google, youtube, social media, photoshop, cameras, phones, modern medicine, academia…I cannot even begin to describe how amazed I am by the advancements of technology and our ability to access knowledge and create knowledge with technology.
However, technology is only as powerful as our ability to utilize it. I feel extremely priviledged to be a person with access to resources, knowledge and technology at the touch of my fingertips.
We are truly only limited by our own imaginations. The world is ours for creating.
Feel empowered by this and move forward in the world with intention.
I love to sing… This is a piece of advice I still have to remind myself of every day. Do what brings you joy, and if you’re unsure of what that is, then have fun trying many new things till you find it.
I believe in you and you deserve to feel joy.
And there we have it, 28 life lessons for 28 years. WOW, thank you so much for your presence and time.
This is only my first blog and I cannot wait to share more valuable content with you all to inspire goddesses like you, to unapologetically love yourself, connect more deeply with others and live your higher purpose.
xoxo,
Gaosong V. Heu
I want to hear from you!
Which life lesson resonated most with you?
Which life lesson did you disagree with?
What are some life lessons you have learned that you think have been important in your growth or life?
Please comment on them down below! I can’t wait to connect with you all on your journeys!